can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
