Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
