i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
