I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
