oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
