My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
