actually, I'm a sock model
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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