I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
