I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
