I think I died a long time ago.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
