ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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