I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
