So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
