I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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