i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
