He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
