That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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