Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
