I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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