I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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