Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
