Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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