what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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