I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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