Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
