Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
