it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
