You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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