The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
