Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
