Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
