You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
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should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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