I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
