doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?