he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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