Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
