Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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