At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
