im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
