I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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