I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
