he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
