That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
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I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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