We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
