Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have fence marks all over my body
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
