no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
