margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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