This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
