Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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