hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
