you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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