My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
