What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
