Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
