I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
