she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
