I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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