In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
