census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
