Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
