Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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