i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
