Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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