You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
