Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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