he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
