i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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