and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
