Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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