Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're a waste of cheezeits
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
