Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
