I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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