from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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