I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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