We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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