I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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