Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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