new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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