During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize