I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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