the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
